I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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