does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
