How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
