Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
