Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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