Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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