its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
