you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
