Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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