Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
