I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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