So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
