I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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