i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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