ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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