We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
