does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
