Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
