So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Everyone says I win the strip club
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
