you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
