i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
