I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
