I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
