i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
