Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
