I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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