so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
