I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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