idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
