I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
