i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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