I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
