My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
