He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
