A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
