life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
