i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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