the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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