she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
