wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
