I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
