Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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