I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
