Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
