The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
