nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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