I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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