Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
