he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
