I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
