Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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