Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
