I don't remember. Are we still dating?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
