the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
