i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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