where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
