somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
