all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
