apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
