I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
