they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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