dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize