Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
