hotel room ftw
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize