shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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