They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
