this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
