3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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