and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
