There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
