put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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