yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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