Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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