Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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