oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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