i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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