i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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