It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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