I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
