I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
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Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize