I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
