What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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