Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize